Tales of A Little Miss Sunshine

Past.Present.Future.

dancergirl625 — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 03:14:30 +0000

i look at the park across the street and see me crossing the dirt road, bare feet, to get there. i see myself climbing the trees and talking with other kids. i see me going from being pushed in the toddler swing by babysitters to pumping my own legs in the other “big kid” swings. i see me walking past it on my way back from elementary school. i see my bus passing it after middle school. and now i’m jogging by it. just graduated high school. and i see me. all those different years. i’m there.

in the beginning, i was timid and shy. i was the little girl that people awed and doted over around the neighborhood. they watched over me. they remembered my birthday and knew my favorite things. i went around in a jogging stroller, my mom jogging behind me. during a walking marathon, i rode on top of my dads shoulders and made the newspaper. then i was riding my tricycle, trailing behind her. then i would bike next to her, talking the whole way, about everything. and now i jog her same route just at my own speed. and everyone watched me grow. i was their little girl.

when i was little and my uncles and aunts and cousins came to visit i was always in someones’ arms. my feet never touched the ground. i was their “twinkle-toes” i was the youngest. i was their little girl.

to my parents and brother and family friends.. i’m their little girl.

and now i’m growing older. i’m done with high school. that building just beyond the trees at the park across the street. i’m leaving for college and moving on. my mom told me she’s excited to see how much i change. but i don’t wanna change… i feel like i’ve worked so hard to get where i am and be who i am that i don’t want to start over. change is scary.

i’m going to miss everyone. they’ve just always been there and it’ll be weird not having them around. all the unknowns are the scariest parts. i guess i just have to remember that i’m always going to be their little girl…

Undecided

dancergirl625 — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 06:11:26 +0000

i haven’t written anything in a looooooong time.. and looking back on the very..umm.. interesting and colorful grammar i used definitely proves that. i guess i’m writing to just lay my thoughts out there.. i mean that’s why janelle said blogs are helpful. :/ time really has gone by. things really have changed. and right now, at this very moment all i wanna do is explain to her everything..

explain how much she hurt me.. how we were best friends but she treated me like an enemy.. explain how much i liked him and how much i had hoped for in both me&him and me&her.. and explain how bad i feel now..

but that was last year.. and i guess i “ruined” that year.. but to me, you, him, alllll of those backstabbing friends last year, messed up my heart.. and then we weren’t friends…. and then we didn’t talk…. and then you tried but i couldn’t do it… and now i still don’t know if we can ever be close but i feel bad….. i feel like even though everything is different you still see me as hurting you like you hurt me.. but it’s not the same… and i wish you could see that.. cuz i don’t want you to hurt..

now i really like him.. now i finally found someone.. we fit.. i know that probably makes it hurt more.. but we’re not friends now and i didn’t see it as backstabbing…. stupid me. now i don’t even remember what i was trying to say by writing this.. i’m torn between and apology, an admittance, and a long list of things the world missed (oh how exciting -_-). you’ll probably never read this…. but i just wanted to explain i didn’t go out of my way to hurt you.. things just happened and now i don’t know what to think…

No White Flag

dancergirl625 — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 02:43:56 +0000

AHHHHHHH

there are all these songs shuffling through my mind… they all make me wanna scream and sing and jump around.. and lay in the snow.. and ring his doorbell… and plant one on him haha

whenever i say the phrase “what-if” in my head, that thing never happens… it’s like my curse.. and i can’t even stop myself.. i imagine myself saying what needs to be said; romantic, humorous, perfect.. but it can’t happen because i said “what-if.”

what if.. i decided to go to his locker and hug him with all my might and then gaze into those wondrous, those mesmerizing eyes. then i’d step on the tip of my toes and sweetly, softly.. dazzlingly kiss him. and when i drop down, he doesn’t let go, but instead holds me tighter and brings my chin up to his….

it’s silly.. and it’s a what-if that everyone has.. a scene in a million movies… i wish that it wasn’t so common… then, maybe it’d be more special……..

what if… he comes over during the summer and we go to my neighbor’s pool. the summer breeze gently picking up my flowing hair and brushing against my skin causing goose bumps.. and he holds me.. we lay by the pool on a towel and i’m in his arms, hearing the trees chatter and talk of their little flower child, growing.. my heart races as he gently rubs his soft hands across my back. the sky beams blue and sun keeps shining… and he kisses my forehead…

i might as well get them off my chest… hey, maybe they will go into my book or movie… or maybe if someone reads them…. they can fulfill what i have been unable to.. and the hopefulness keeps me dreaming……

what-if… i get a knock at the door on a beautiful day and he’s there, pacing.. he tells me how much he likes me and how much he wants me.. and he takes me by the waist and looks into my eyes…….

what-if… he loves me…

Turn That Frown Upside Down

dancergirl625 — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:00:46 +0000

i hurt a lot. people don’t think i would, i smile.. i try to be happy.. but everyone has their bad days, right? i stopped taking medication about 4 years ago and i don’t regret it, the nausea and embarrassment were pretty terrible. i’m a happy person, and i want people to know me as the one that can always cheer them up.. even when i can’t do the same for myself. don’t get me wrong, i love shining that 100 watt smile full of metal and cheer, but i also need to say that there’s so much people don’t know…

i love eyes because they tell so many tales. mine are like the dark waves crashing down on the water beneath during a mystical storm, or as others say: grey-blue. eyes show true feelings.. they explain the story behind those indifferent lashes. you can learn so much by just listening.. when people talk.. just look into their eyes…. it’s funny i know my eyes are the bluest, like the gorgous sky on a summer day, when they are wet…

He’s a Jock

dancergirl625 — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:46:26 +0000

i cant say ‘i love you’ to a guy anymore. i said it once, i was foolish, and i think i will always regret it. i didn’t love him and he didn’t love me, he made that clear. i hope one day i can talk to him and tell him what a horrible person he was, but that’s not important… that’s not happy… i want to be happy

he’s a jock and he’s amazing. he makes me feel so safe, like no matter what happens a quilt of his courage WILL always keep me warm. i don’t love him, or at least i don’t think i do, but i think if i did.. i wouldn’t want to, because i was hurt so much before. but i hate this, i hate when people write their sad love stories about never learning and suffering from the constant pains from that thumping muscle that rests behind the cage full of help.. telling them, ‘breathe.’ i don’t want to do the usual. he knows i like him.. he feels the same.. but, we are so different. some believe difference WILL never get boring. what do i believe? haha i don’t even know where to begin…. i really don’t…. so i write to say i’m not sad or happy.. i’m smothered by the hope… i clear my head.. breathe.. and continue

i smile because he made the effort. he wants me.. ME. he WILL always be…… my 47…

Imagine

dancergirl625 — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:56:38 +0000

the scene starts in a full Pacifica with the front two rows and one giddy girl in the back talking along, The Beatles’ here comes the sun playing softly… the other girl in the far back seat is sitting with her head facing the window completely and darling royal blue eyes glued to that amazing sky. she smiles sweetly, the car zooms on by the vast meadow and her eyes trace the ground to where the sky seems to touch that green grass. its there, that moment where she thinks that everything is simply perfect. she looks up to the front, where the driver and front passenger exchange glances and she wonders if they ever think about their life, together, and how far they have come, how many perfect moments they have witnessed. the camera zooms out slowly until the whole car is in view, from the rear. the song gets louder as the whole sky comes into focus… “little darling, the smiles returning to the faces little darling……. and i say it’s all right”…

Treasures at the Chocolatier

dancergirl625 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 03:17:00 +0000

in a few days i will be sitting in the car, iPod in hand, and staring at those wondrous clouds in that endless sky on my way to one of my most favorite places! Tawas Bay is just so incredibly beautiful and precious… the rows of cabins lining that amazing beach, the little town with the whimsical stores, the many townspeople with their friendly domain, the sweet swinging benches set up right at the top of the beach, incredible water, and that breathtaking sky… it’s just so… well.. magical! i love to sit on the benches when it’s all calm and quiet and just swing with the millions of stars lighting the sky. when the other families get there and we all get situated in our cozy cabins.. we sit on the beach with Jay’s famous martinis (well the adults in this case) and it’s around five o’clock so the waves are at about their highest, the sun starts setting, and i get this feeling that everything is just.. PERFECT!

i love that feeling… that everything is just so perfect… where things just fall together and nothing can tare me down! it’s the kind of feeling i got today when jogging and, silly as it seems, the sky was the most perfect shade of blue, the wind had the best movement, and everything was just gorgeous… and it makes me kind of sad because it’s so perfect that everything else will seem less and the next best moment may not happen for awhile. but, i just love those moments, they make everything just so happy and sunny… my movie moments kick into high gear…

Little Miss Wes

dancergirl625 — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:39:02 +0000

i thought i would take the time to offer a hand to the reader of this and explain that i seem to pride myself on being this “listener” so, writing my thoughts out is a horse of a different color. i narrate my life in a way.. i guess it was about time that i put all those script-like thoughts down as some sort of writing.. although resorting to doing it on the computer is a bit unlike how i imagined.. as i eye the stacks of diaries and journals given to me over the years where i have started many a story and never completed one…. i admit that i am not exactly sure what i am doing but… i guess i should introduce myself to you, as i can’t help but to smile (which i am always doing) and say “i am little miss wes.”